Stoicism and the illusion of good & bad

0:00Stoicism is not about suppressing emotion or being indifferent. It's about being clear-headed, about seeing things as they are and responding in the best possible way. That's a quote from Ryan Holiday. And what I think he was trying to do there was clear up any sort of misconceptions that somebody might have around stoicism. And like a lot of people, I too thought that that was the whole point of stoicism was to suppress your emotions. Well, I guess not suppress that feels a little bit negative, but definitely to be indifferent to them, to kind of just let them pass over you, not to take them so seriously. And this is a philosophy that is old as hell. If you haven't heard of stoicism, I think it first came about in like the AD time. So, it's not anything brand new, but I think that it's starting to become a little bit more popular again because I mean, look at society.

0:56Look at how emotional things have been and it's just getting progressively worse. So, I think it's almost natural that people would feel an attraction to a philosophy like stoicism. And I've kind of always been, I guess, an admirer from afar. You know, I've admired the the different attributes that I see about stoicism, but I've never really gone too deep. I've watched a couple videos, but that's kind of like dipping your toes in it. I haven't taken it too seriously. I guess in a way in a way I guess I didn't I didn't go deeper into stoicism just because it felt like something that I wouldn't ever really be able to do. I like the idea of being more stoic, of being able to hold my emotions back, but damn.

1:53I mean, I am an artist. We're supposed to be emotional, right? I mean, I'm light-skinned. I'm We're supposed to be emotional, right? But in all seriousness, I think I think it was one of those things. It was so damn daunting that I felt like I would never really be able to achieve it anyways. And what let me dive deep on all of this and research all of these different things about stoicism and then just feel like I fall short. But I'm I'm definitely curious and the fact that when you first start to look into stoicism, people like Ryan Holidayiday who are trying to bring it more into the modern age and shed a light on it. He's saying things like it's not about suppressing emotion. That's the the stereotype. That's what people when they think of stoicism, that's what they think. But that doesn't mean that that's what it is. So in this episode I'll be breaking down some of the ideas of some of the most famous ancient stoic philosophers.

2:50Cynica Epictitus and starting off with Marcus Aurelius. If you were distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it. And this you have the power to revoke at any moment. And this idea of there's no good, there's no bad. It's just what we make of it. I love it. I think that's what I've always been drawn to about stoicism. That's one of the things that I have known about it from afar. And thinking that something is bad, it's only going to make it worse. I've always been that mindset that if you just And it sounds so damn cheesy, but if you just keep your damn head up about things, you'll be good. down to if you get injured, like physically injured, and you just you kind of you act like a little baby about it. You know what I mean? For lack of better words.

3:46You just kind of you nurse it the whole time instead of let's say it's your leg. Instead of putting any sort of pressure on it, you're you're acting like it's completely useless. And you know, you can only use the the other leg. If it's your arm, you never do anything with it. And I'm not saying you should push your body to the point where you injure yourself further, but to act like it is just useless. I have found, obviously I'm not a doctor. Don't take any medical advice from somebody with a face tattoo, but you uh you make it worse. At least I make it worse if I if I treat it that way. The more that I push it worse, it's okay. And then again, still knowing your body, knowing when to back off, but knowing when you're just kind of you're just kind of being a little about it. And you could push it a little bit further. You could maybe put a little bit more weight. Let's try to walk a little bit normal or let's try to use this, you know, let's stretch it out more.

4:43And I get it. It's uncomfortable. I get that it is not something you want to run towards, but the fact that I've always felt like it makes it worse if you don't do that. It just it felt like common sense, you know? You know, it's kind of like how they say with a band-aid, you just you rip it off. Yes. You know, it sucks. Like it's still going to sting a little bit. But doesn't it doesn't it suck so much worse when you're just little by little peeling off little by little and it still stings? In fact, it's even worse because in your head you have that damn thing called anticipation. There the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it. And this this was a man talking about this thousands of years ago. That's That's insane.

5:40That's insane. It's the same things that we're wrestling with today. You know, if somebody somebody cuts you off in traffic, you know, it's it's just the worst worst thing ever. And you you got to you got to get upset about it. It had to have been a personal attack. I I don't see any other way that you could look at that to make your life a little bit better. The pain is not due to the thing itself but to your estimate of it. He said we have the power to revoke it at any moment because it really is a mindset thing. It is one of those things that you know what I am going to work out my my hurt limb. I'm going to try to make it feel a little bit better. If you get bad news like people say oh the we got bad weather today. What is what does that mean? What do you mean we have bad weather today? What kind of weather is that?

6:35Well, you know, it's like overcast or it's raining or it's whatever. Okay, how how is that bad? What if we what if we had a drought and is the rain bad now? You know, is the is the rain bad if we have been waiting for fresh water for months and we just can't seem to get it? No. We would we would love that. What if it's just hot? You know, it's been really really hot. It'd be nice to cool things off. Is the rain bad? Then it's always it's always circumstantial. It depends on what we want because let's say it's your wedding. It's your wedding day and you have an outside wedding. Well, it starts to rain. It wasn't supposed to. Damn, that's some bad weather based off of your circumstances, I guess. But if it was your day off, you know, it's a cozy Sunday afternoon and you don't have to do anything and honestly you have no plans on leaving the house.

7:40You just want to chill. Well, a rainy day might be exactly what you like. A rainy day might be something relaxing to you that just makes you want to kick it in the house and do exactly what you were already planning to do. except it now sets the scene a little bit more, I guess. The power to revoke it at any moment. And it's it's a lot easier said than done because I mean, discomfort is discomfort. If you if you do have that wedding, well, here's our plans. And and I think that's like one of the I I don't even know who to credit for it, but I think that's like a a famous line. You uh you want to hear somebody laugh at your plans, tell them to God or something like that. It's It's nice to have plans. I can plan all day long, but there's no guarantee that I'm going to wake up tomorrow.

8:42It is what it is, right? Is that bad? Well, under the circumstances, I guess it it would feel bad. Not for me. I'd be dead, but maybe my family. But is it bad for somebody on the other side of the globe? Well, it's honestly non-existent. It's not even a thing. Is it really bad? I think uh when we zoom out or if we zoom in, it makes it really easy to kind of just brush off the whole good and bad things that we uh prescribe to to different things in the world because we can see. Okay, if you zoom out enough, it really doesn't matter. Like if you if you ask about somebody cutting me off in traffic to somebody on the other side of the world, well, they really won't care if you zoom in enough. And it's something it it's something so minute as I I don't know.

9:41I got I got bit by a mosquito. Nothing. I didn't get any any disease or anything like that. I don't like it. I'm itching. Is it really bad? It's like you could zoom in enough be like, "All right, man. This that's trivial. It sucks, but is it it's bad? No, it's life. That's what you would say. Like, God, it's so bad that that I had to stop for this pedestrian while I'm going through the parking lot. I wanted to just get straight to my parking spot. It's like, okay. Yeah, but it's kind of a part of going through a parking lot, man. That's kind of a part of life to have little things like this happen. We can zoom out or zoom in and we can kind of understand it. At least some of us, at least I can't, let me speak for myself, right? But it's that in the middle. It's that because again, discomfort is discomfort.

10:37Things that we don't want are things that we don't want. But being able to say, "This is just something that is happening." And if I was somebody else, it would either not be on my radar or let's say back to somebody cutting me off in traffic. And then when they cut me off, I I I didn't catch the red light or the green light rather. And damn, now I'm stuck here. And ah you if you didn't cut me off, well to them it was good luck cuz I oh I got just just enough in time to get in front of this person because this lane was was slowing down or it was coming to an exit and I was able to get in front of them and oh look at that. I just made the light. I'm about to make it to work in time. The same circumstance. It's either good or bad depending on your perspective. It's that damn in the middle. It's hard to say. Well, like a loved one just passed.

11:34You're telling me this is good. Don't Don't tell me that damn God's plan Like, girl, they're in a better place. Like, shut up. Nobody wants to hear that when they're going through it, right? How can you say that there's no good or bad? That's clearly bad. What do you mean? What about children with terminal illnesses? And I guess anybody with terminal illnesses, you know what I mean? Damn. I guess I just I got a soft spot for the people that haven't even gotten a chance to live life yet. Truly innocent people that don't even know any better. Like kids that didn't even get a chance get terminal illnesses. You're telling me that's not bad? You're telling me that the pain of that is not due to that? But it's it's what I'm it's what I'm thinking of it. I made this bet. That sounds like It sounds like It sounds like you're a little bit of a sociopath.

12:34I guess that's why Ryan Holidayiday felt the need to clear up those misconceptions. Like look, don't just suppress it. I'm not saying don't don't feel the feelings. It will come. But then life goes on. Don't sit here and think that this is some catastrophic thing that only happened to you. It happens to everybody. And unfortunately, this is how it happened for you or for your loved one or you know. So, all right, we'll get right back to the show after a quick word from the sponsor of this episode. You're taller when you wake up in the morning because your spine decompresses overnight. We literally shrink throughout the day. Anyways, this episode was brought to you by You're Not Sorry by Exo. You can find it anywhere you listen to music.

13:26Don't even apologize. Apologize. I've seen this too many times. Too many us and you love me. You was words you didn't mean. Don't even I've seen this many times. Many times Back when we met. Life was so simple. too many issues. I'm done saying I'm sorry. You said last time was the last time you lied. Yeah, you lied again. Of course, again. How could I be so naive? You play me like a violin. Now I'm feeling stupid Guess I'll OD.

14:22One more time again. you want us. You say you love me. You say that you was mad and you said You can be rational and it's really easy when it's not you. It's really easy when you're not the one going through that Be stoic now as you go through it. Talk about there's no good or bad or whatever. And I think I think there is a balance to that obviously. Yeah. Feel feel the feelings. There's no again and unless you really are some sort of sociopath or something like that, you you got no choice. What you going to do? You could be in denial, I guess, but eventually they say you're going to crack. Like that's not healthy. You feel me?

15:19Eventually, it's going to come and get you. Let's hear another one from Mr. Marcus Aurelius. You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you will find strength. And I guess that's that goes along the same lines. You don't have power over anything else. It's not about good or bad. It's not about something being painful. It's the It's the definition that you've put on it. You've defined this as bad. You've defined this as a painful moment. But you don't have any any power over it. You have the power to change it, though. You have the power to look at this in a new light. And I can't help but think again. I know looking at the worst case scenario with these hypothetical situations, but damn.

16:18Put yourself in whatever is your worst case scenario. And usually it involves other people, you know, like I guess unless you're like super narcissistic and or you just like have nobody in your life or something like that, I guess that would work too. But for a lot of people, it's like, yeah, you know, like it would suck if I if I got cancer or some like that. It's like, but when somebody says, think about the worst thing that could happen. It's like, well, damn, what if something happened to my loved ones? The amount of the level of vulnerability that you have when you love somebody more than yourself. God damn. It's it's usually something that people point at when they're thinking of the worst thing that could ever happen to me. Like the worst thing that could ever happen to a parent is don't even have to finish that sentence. We all know that. I knew that before I became a parent. And yet we all elect to make ourselves vulnerable.

17:19You would think that we would at least learn how to cope with this vulnerability and some people have. We we have no power over outside events. He said, "Realize this and you will find strength. You won't be invincible. You're not impervious." I think that's the biggest misconception thinking that yeah to be truly stoic you have to have an armor so thick so powerful that nothing can penetrate it at all. Nothing can ever actually affect you no matter what. But that's impossible. Having dictation over that is impossible. And we don't have that power.

18:16So why don't we learn how to cope with it better? It's a lot easier said than done. I can say that until I turn blue in the face. But damn, put me through it, man. It's the It's the in the middle. It's the in the middle. I'm good. Somebody cut me off. I'm like, whatever. All right. dumb ass. like you made it. Good job. You feel good? Like at at most, you know what I mean? But I used to get pissed off about that Like bad. Like like bad bad. When I first started driving, that used to piss me the off. Eventually, I just like it's so small, you know? It's it's okay. I zoom out. I think about think about all my plans in the world, all of my goals and aspirations. The fact that I even create content, and you know, just in general, it's just like I think about everything.

19:14Anytime I take things too serious and I can zoom out and I can just be like, "Ah, after what, not even a hundred years, nobody's going to give a about me. Nobody's going to think about me. My great great grandkids are probably not even going to know my name. Does it really matter? But god damn that in the middle. That in the middle. The the that truly does affect you. So you can have the strength, but you're not going to be you're not going to be impervious. You're not going to be invincible to everything that goes on. And maybe that is where the strength comes. Isn't that what they say with like bravery or whatever? You know, it's just like, "Oh, I can't be brave. I'm I'm scared." It's like, "Oh, Johnny, don't you know bravery is doing it in spite of fear."

20:14Just in spite of you being scared, you do it anyways. Is that stoicism? Like, Johnny, things are going to be bad. Things are things are going to suck. You're going to have things that blow, but you keep going anyways. You don't break down. You don't spiral out. In fact, have some sort of expectation for this. And not in some, I don't know, like pessimistic type of way where you're just constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, but you know, just know it's it's in the numbers. It can't be good forever. You know, you can't you can't be on the top of the mountain forever. What did you expect? You you had to have seen this coming. So powerful things from Mr. Marcus Aurelius even thousands of years later.

21:13Let's hear another ancient stoic philosopher, Epictitus. It is not things themselves that disturb men, but their judgments about these things. That sounds familiar. I think these are on to something. I think they might be saying the same damn thing. It's not the things themselves that disturb men, but their judgments about these things that disturb them. Okay? We we do we do love to we love to put labels on things. We do it with everything. I think it's dangerous to even do this in the other way where you're constantly waiting for something good. It has to be good. I'm not happy unless something good is happening. You know, it's not just about avoiding bad things or this is bad. Oh my god. What about the good stuff? What what is good?

22:12You know, is is catching a sunset? Is that good? Is uh kissing a girl for the first time? Is that good? What's What's good for you? Because if if you get too wrapped up in it, you know, you could spend your life chasing it, thinking that that's what life is. Either running away from the that you call bad or sprinting towards the things that you call good. And we can see we can see it clearly when it's someone like a drug addict when their good thing is like crack cocaine or something like that. It's like, "Oh it's so good." Yeah, maybe you shouldn't keep trying to, man. Life is about more than just you chasing that good thing. Is it good? You call it good from your perspective. From my perspective, you look up. I don't know. Uh, see why they say u crack is whack or whatever the No, thank you.

23:13But you were chasing good. I don't know. That was very similar. So, I'm going to move on to another one from Epic Tetus. Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. I like that cuz it's kind of like the what next of it all. It's like, okay, well, if nothing's bad, it's like it's what I make it. Okay, what now? Well, the rest is going to happen. The speed bumps are going to come. Are you going to stop driving? You'll be okay. You'll be okay. You'll you'll even get good at spotting them. And sometimes when you're sitting here thinking you're about to hit a speed bump, bam, a pot. Oh a deer comes out of nowhere. Whatever. Life is going to be bumpy. So, I like this one by Eert. It's it's it's like the next step. It's not just okay.

24:09Well, here it is. And this is uh everything that you call bad or painful, everything that disturbs you, well, it's in your mind. It's what you made it. It's because you called it disturbing. Well, thanks. I I appreciate that. Where am I supposed to go from there? Well, do everything that you can inside your power, inside the parameters that you have. It's simple as It's It's stuff where if it was like a video game, we would understand it. Like, oh, anytime I I go over here, I I don't know. I'm trying to come up with some sort of analogy. You feel me? Though, like with a video game, we would understand. It's like, okay, well, it's all right. I'll just level up until I can beat the boss or whatever the Like, this the boss got me. I need to start over. We're okay when it comes to a video game. When it comes to life, we get scared. We get a little bit nervous. And I mean we and that's why I think I look at stoicism like I've always looked at it like wow.

25:11It's refreshing there. There has to be some secret that I just don't know because I I've heard like the headline levels of How am I supposed to actually embody this completely? Well, I guess it's a practice. It's not just a philosophy. It's a practice. You got to practice it. And god damn, I actually started getting better. Started getting a little better. And then from there, I can start to think of other ways where I'm still letting the way that I perceive things, the way that I look at the world run my life. I I come up with new realizations all the time. Like all the time. All the time. It's It's insane down to the way I chew. Like I I have a very I'm very aware of the way I chew because I don't want to be the person that is smacking.

26:16I I know how annoying that is and maybe it's because it's a pet peeve and it seems so trivial, but it's like I It was like the other day I was thinking about this. It's like I was drawn more to making sure I'm not the person interrupting or I'm not that person. How much of the way that I literally live my life is because I don't want to get kicked out of the tribe or something like that. You get to a certain age, you want to feel like you're past that. That's like middle school high school, whatever. Not as a grown ass man. Don't have to worry about that, right? And I can I can definitely get in my head about things. And I can overthink I can overthink about things that literally I know have no meaning in my life, but I'm giving it that meaning by overthinking about it.

27:15And then as I'm overthinking about it, it starts pissing me off. And now I'm overthinking about the fact that I'm overthinking about it. And it's just a loop where I'm like, what's what's wrong with me? Why am I broken? Why can't I just move on? Why am I just one of those people that I keep constantly like da da da da da? That just keeps playing in my head. Why is that the case? Why do I need to be more stoic? I need to make the best use of what's in my power. And so much of my life I feel like yes, I do that and I believe I believe what you're saying. I agree with what you're saying. And then it's the times where you fall short. And I guess that's why it's a practice. I guess that's why it really is like a journey with this That's that's probably why you see so many old ass that are just chill as And yes, you got the stereotypical like just angry at life. Some people don't involve. It's okay. But I've I've seen it with people in my family where like through through age like they've just chilled the out.

28:21I can imagine you just take less and less seriously. And the idea of being able to speed up that process, I guess it it sounds alluring, but it's it's like one of those I forget what it's called where because I'm so busy trying to speed up the process or because I'm I'm like beating myself up over the fact that well like you're you're thinking too hard about this trivial thing that really doesn't matter. Well, you're just making yourself go even longer. Fact that you didn't just let it go. Oh, I'm overthinking about it. H and that's okay. One day. One day. Let's move on to Cynica. We got two more. So, it is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested.

29:24We we do say life is short and damn it feels like every year is going by faster and faster. And I've I've heard of the the theory that it's because you don't have any any novel experiences. You know, when you're a kid, there's so many new things that it's constantly like it's feeling like new events are happening and it makes time almost feel like it moves slower. Life is long enough and sufficiently generous, but we waste a lot of it. That's that's probably one of the most cliche things that people feel at the the end of their life. At least that's what you hear, right? like all of the I should have, the regrets, the I would have the I could have been a better person.

30:21I could have done these better things. I could have been around more. I could have whatever. We fill in the blank at the end. We start to notice once we see the grim reaper coming closer and closer to us. And some people, they do have this realization sooner. Some people never do. We We have plenty of time to figure it out. And I know I'm not the only one where you just feel like time has a habit of escaping you because you get caught in this loop just doing the same thing, the same monotonous routine over and over and over again. It's just one of those things that you just can't escape. You wake up and it's been years. It's been years. It's like I can see how they say like decades will just peel off.

31:24It can feel like I'm just wasting my life. It can feel like it's all going by too fast. I don't have enough time. But it really is just like Epic Tetus just said, you you have the power to do what you have the power to do. And it's something that you ought to do. Not you should or you could like you you have like a duty to do that like that like one could even say I don't know not even saying like the whole fate destiny or I like a higher purpose whatever whatever ideology you have around it but if you were to have a purpose if you were to have something to do it would probably be to be the best you that you could be to do the things that you could do to the best of your ability cuz only you can do them exactly like you do them. I think uh I think we have a habit of pointing towards life.

32:24We point towards time and say it's your fault. You're too fast. It's your fault life. There was too many things in my way. And I say we because I mean we. It I I honestly don't even really care too much about how other people live their life. It's It's one of those things where I get bothered by it when I notice it in myself. It's almost like damn, I wish I just didn't I didn't know or I didn't like there wasn't like a a better way that I'd want to be or quote unquote better, right? What's good and bad. But I wish there wasn't a different philosophy or way of thinking that I had about this because if I was just okay with doing all of these things like being cynical or overthinking things or just feeling like life is happening to me instead of me being able to give life everything that I have like these moments of weakness if I was just this is how it's supposed to be like I feel so justified in the way that I feel like life you you've been going by so damn damn fast and you know what I mean?

33:33You you've been throwing me all these different curve balls. How dare you? You never gave me my shot. It's like it'd be really easy to be one of those people cuz we all know those people that truly believe like this is something that I have full justification to be upset about. What do you mean this is up to me, my power? Like there's people that truly just checked out like there's no way. But then once you actually it's like damn it really is what you make it. really is me putting my description of this on it. Like this is all meat. This is all inside. Once you have that realization, there's no It's like seeing all the sausages made. So it it it's one of those things where it's like, damn, you only wish you could go back though. And by you, I hope you realize at this point I'm talking about myself. I only wish I could go back at times because well because I haven't gotten to the destination that I wanted to.

34:31If I had the way that I feel like I have overcome my road rage that I had as a younger person, if I felt that way with everything else, man, I definitely wouldn't be like I wish I could just be young and naive again where I just didn't care about being whatever. No, I I wouldn't want it cuz now it's like I've overcome road rage or whatever. I just wish I could go back to when I used to just get pissed off and I would I would like sit here and tailgate somebody and like I would sit here and cuss at them like they could hear me and I'm yelling and all that I was a delivery driver too for a couple years. So it's like that was bad, bro. It was just constantly constantly that' be like me wishing I could go back to that time. So the only that's the push back that I have when it's like bro those those moments where I just wish that I could just be naive and ignorant about all of this and stop blaming myself stop realizing that it is all me and then there's a certain certainty does feel so good when you it's like you have a bad guy to point at and when you can call it life and you feel like it's all out of your hands.

35:44Yeah. you in a way you feel like you have no way to actually you're not autonomous at all. You have no agency. You have no way to actually fix this. But on the other hand, it's like if you truly just go with it, it's like yeah, it's life. Like you have your bad guy. You have your villain. Nobody wants to be the villain. So when you actually start to point toward yourself, it could be scary. He who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary. I like that. That's that feels like it's talking about like anticipation. So let's say it's it's something you've already deemed to be bad and we've gone over that. You've already given something the definition of being bad, being painful, being something you don't want, and you're looking at it in the future. I really don't want to have to go do this next month.

36:43I really don't want to have to go to the dentist appointment. I don't want to have to wake up early and go to work on Monday morning. God, whatever it is, all of these painful things that you just don't want to do and oh my God is about to be here next week or next year. Whatever it is, it's it could be in an hour. It could be in 30 minutes. If you're sitting here stressing about it now, well, you're just you're drawing it out. I've I will say not to toot my own horn or whatever, but I'll I'll call myself out where I fall short and I'll give myself praise where I can. I feel like I've been really good throughout my life in general with not suffering before it was necessary. I've I guess I've always been optimistic.

37:41It's like things can work out or and if if something is bad that's coming and I know it's like just something I don't want to do like again like something as simple as you don't want to wake up early to go to work or go to school whatever your life is. Well, it'll be okay. I'm not going to sit here and you don't trip Sunday all Sunday because you have to go to work the next morning. Like that's that's a way to waste your Sunday and just give it to this imaginary work. You don't even get paid for that you know? So, I think I've always been good at that just because it it felt like common sense. It was irrational to sit here and stress about things before it happens. But I I know plenty of people that that's exactly what they do. The the same way I was talking about where I overthink things, mine is like I overthink things after. So, I have empathy for people that overthink things before. Some people even overthink it before and after. But I I could see how it would be just as bad cuz I just want to be like, "Shut up."

38:41It'll be like anything. It the most random like like I just I I said somebody said, "Hey, how's it going?" Oh, like I said, what's up? Or some I'm talking about, bro. It'll be the smallest thing where I'll just say something a little bit off and I'm just sitting over thinking, "Why'd you say it like that?" Or you kind of your voice kind of cracked a little bit. Need to start clearing your throat a little bit more. like I just start playing it over and this um I don't know the exact quote so I'll paraphrase it was some video with uh Jordan Peterson he said anytime you're like very anxious and basically everything that I was just describing he said that's that's you being almost narcissistic you're constantly thinking about yourself and that was that's been one thing that kind of helped me snap out of that where it's like damn that that is kind of me thinking about myself cuz if you think about it, nobody is thinking about me the way that I'm thinking about me.

39:39There's, you know what I'm saying? Like it's if somebody passes me by and I feel like I have some awkward exchange or some some like that in the store and they they go on, they're probably sitting there thinking like, "Oh, I was being awkward." Or they're just not thinking about it at all. But I guarantee you, like it's not like an hour later, it's like that person right there. And even if they are, like I would never know. Oh, it's one of those things where it just genuinely doesn't have any effect on my life. And yeah, overthinking things after sucks. You just want it to shut up. So suffering before it's necessary. I'm sitting here about to, like I said, toot my own horn, give myself praise because I don't do that. But damn, it's probably just as bad as suffering after necessary. You know, you you lose in a game.

40:36You lose in a game and you let it affect your entire week. Whatever game is important to you, sports game, board game, I don't know, a game on your phone, a video game, I don't I don't care. You got a game and you lost that Could be upset. Think about all the ways to overcome it. But to let it keep beating you down. Yeah, I could see how it's just as bad. He who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than it is necessary. I would just put a little caveat on that. Yeah, I think it's he who suffers before slash after. It would work both ways. The whole point is you're thinking about this way too much, bro. happens in life. Yes. Why are you going to keep worrying about it?

41:31That's like, let's talk about the Let's use the analogy of the the road again. We're driving. You're driving down the road. Potholes come, deers come out, a speed bump. All these different things that could happen. Lights come. You'll feel a little bit like like you uh you can't really see for a second cuz it all flash you in the eye. You're getting a little sleepy, so you're starting to not off the road. All these different things that could happen while you're driving. You don't hit a pothole and then keep driving and think about that last pothole. Damn that pothole. And you're just thinking about nothing but that pothole. To the same extent that you don't stop the car because you're worried about a pothole that hasn't come yet. I guess it's all about just just keep riding, man. happens. Just just literally keep moving with the be water. Just move with whatever's coming.