Is there a dark side to nicknames from your partner?

0:00When people are in love, especially during the honeymoon phase, in the beginning, in the fatuation phase, we love to make something that would be regular or arbitrary and make it so much more than it is. An example is this is our song. This is our our show. This is the show we like to watch. This is our show, ours. We're putting our stamp on it. Our first date, we went to this movie. That's our movie, you know. So, we like to romanticize very trivial things when it comes to sharing them with someone we love. There's nothing wrong with that. But today we're going to talk about the potential creepy reality of giving your partner a nickname.

1:05And no, I'm not talking about like I don't know like baby babe. Uh I don't know sweetie. I guess that's kind of weird. It's kind of like I don't know something you'd say to a child. Oh, sweetie. Um I don't know. I'm trying to think of another one besides baby or babe. Cuz even hun. That's kind of weird, ain't it? It's also kind of paternal. Something you would say to your child or to like your little niece or nephew or something like that. But either way, I guess leaving out baby or babe, leaving out anything that is commonly used. So, we could step outside of my little bubble of existence cuz I'm not going to sit here and pretend that babe and baby are the only like common nicknames that people give their significant other.

2:09But in this one, in this one instance in particular, I want to ignore that. Ignore all of the different common ones that are just kind of almost like a like a a right of passage. Like I feel like hun like I was talking about hun, but hun at a certain time I feel like those are those are things that you would hear like all right hun. You know what I'm saying? It's just not in our time. Like right now it's kind of like it's kind of old timey. Um but I want to talk about the nicknames that we give our partners that are unique to them or unique to us in that instance, unique to that relationship. kind of like how we say this is our show, our movie, our song, our thing that we like to make fun of, our little inside joke or we we like to claim all of these things.

3:08So, what happens when you claim kind of like a nickname? And I know another word to say a nickname that you would give to your partner, ironically, is a pet name. That's a weird word. And words are just words, right? I'm not one of those people like words. They they hurt. They hurt. We should change what hurts. No, I mean, I feel like we should just change what hurts us, you know? like we let what bothers us bother us. I'm not saying that there isn't objective evil out in the world that is done on innocent people on honestly even if it wasn't an innocent quote unquote what is innocent right aren't all of us sinners is what they say but even if it was done on somebody else that was evil there is evil that is done on other people and who are we to judge on it only it's only true evil if it's done on an innocent person you know we like to root for the Dexter he's a serial killer but he only kills the bad people.

4:17And that's just somebody that actually really enjoys the show, Dexter. And honestly, I did I did kind of root for him until that ending. ending. Poor Harrison. Um, so I know there's I know there's true evil out there, but words, if you're getting offended by words, you can be offended by, I don't know, maybe the person behind those words. Like, you know what I mean? like you're trying to get under my skin. You're trying to hurt me right now. I can choose whether or not I'm hurt by the actual words, but I could still not like the fact that you intended this. You know what I'm saying? Like just because they don't say something to you that offends you, you know, you could just shrug it off.

5:20They still had the intention to. So that's that's kind of like a whole another, you know what I mean? That's that's why there's so much nuance in that. It's not black and white. It's super in the gray area. But uh for the most part, I am a believer that words are not something that should be but a pet name. I'm not offended. I'm not offended. I'm curious like who thought of that? Who thought of a pet name? And let's be real, this was probably a time where, you know what I'm saying? Remember, women didn't always get to vote. That's crazy. You don't get to vote, you woman. And I'm not sitting here on like some I don't know, woke feminist thing either.

6:24It's just like we have been weird at a lot of different points of time in history. And I'm guessing because the further you kind of go back, the kind of weirder it gets. And weird is just like not normal. Like to us, right? And what is weird to them? That was normal. It was probably about those times, I'm guessing, that pet name decided to come around. And I'm honestly I'm fascinated. So, I want to look it up because pet name pet name pet name. Where did the term pet name come from? The phrase pet name likely originates from the word pet which has a few potential origes. One possibility is that it's a dimunitive of the French word petite meaning small suggesting a beloved person or thing is viewed as cherished and little.

7:29Another possible is that it's related to the word P8. I don't know P A T which could refer to a person who is pampered or spoiled according to the post on Qu blah blah blah. Okay. And then it starts talking about actually naming pets and stuff like that's a whole it goes on different types of uh tangents around pet names. Okay. See, maybe I'm being ignorant. Maybe this stupid American American. Yeehaw. Them Americans, man, with the guns doesn't mean pet. You guys just try to shorten our word. Petite. And it's like I don't know if you've ever watched that show, The Boys, which I highly suggested. That go off, man. That That's That shit's crazy. That's probably one of the best shows that I've seen in a minute.

8:24Like, "Okay, let me not start talking about the boys cuz shit." But there was a French guy named Frenchie. Um, and he would call the main character, well, one of the main characters, Hueie, would call him Petite Hueie or Petite Hueie, you know, in like a little French accent. I can't do French that well. Sorry, Americans. But he would call that. So, it was like, I get it. like small Huie cuz you know he was like the young young guy the young boy that uh like new guy to the team wet behind the ears type but it still gives me weird vibes and I'm still going to go on a whole it's not like it's not like my the foundation of what I'm saying is based on the fact that we use the word pet names. I just thought it was ironically coincidentally whatever word you want to use weird. It was weird. Pet names. pet names.

9:21I don't know, man. I got this weird thing about how people like to treat other people like property. And it's so crazy cuz it'll be the same people that be like, "Bro, they enslaved us. They had us as slaves. Our ancestors were slaves. They treated us like property. horrific. You're damn right they did. But the hypocrisy when you find somebody that still talks like that but then treats their partner like property. It's a different way, right? You don't have them out in the field, right? It's property nonetheless. Control nonetheless, right? I don't know.

10:17It's not intentional. Hopefully, maybe. I don't know. You tell me. But damn, is it hypocritical? Cuz two different stories. One is super extreme. The other one could still become very extreme depending on how, you know, far that person takes it. But it's still kind of from the same camp. We're still talking about somebody that wants to control somebody else for their own means, for their own benefit. And whether that is the benefit of actually, oh, now I have x amount of people out here doing all of this work on my farm and actually like exploiting physical labor from these people or selling them and like I don't know, treating people as if it's a house that you're flipping or some like that. Buying it for a certain amount and selling it for more. That's one way to go about it.

11:13Another way to control is monitoring everything that your partner does, everything that they may want to do, arguing if they want to go out with anybody else, making sure that there is nobody else, right? I always I always thought about this and I don't know. I used to think I was weird and I am weird, man. Because it's not just this. I think about a whole bunch of different where I be in my head like and then it's like you just label it like social anxiety. I just got anxiety about this. I just be overthinking about this right? It's like, okay, no, maybe it's because you you have a little sister. You had a little sister growing up just four years younger than you. She's like in it was like a nightmare to think about anything like that happening to her. Situation like that happening to her under my nose. Had to be big bro, right?

12:10Had to make sure that would never happen. And thank God while we were growing up that never did happen as far as I'm aware. But I think it was more because because she grew up with a good head on her shoulders to not let that happened to her. I don't know. Who knows? Either way, sometimes I think about the fact something as I'm not saying insignificant, but not unique. A lot of people have sisters or you know, young men growing up and have sisters. A lot of people will have daughters or like that cuz you know what I mean? Now having a daughter, my daughter made me feel like that times like the big bro. big bro. I mean love my little sister to death and that's not you only understand once you have a kid and had a boy first but that feeling of you don't want nothing to happen to him.

13:19So, I don't want to go too far on that tangent because then again, overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. Right? My whole point was I always was very aware of this. Aware of what I didn't want to come across as, be portrayed as, or actually do to somebody. You know what I mean? Like, I don't want it. In fact, I guess it got so instilled in me that like my body actually craves the opposite if you know what I'm saying. Like that like you going the quickest way to turn me off is made me feel like you you don't want to be here. You feel me? Or you don't you feel like you're being smothered or being controlled in some type of way. And I'm going to bring this back to the creepy reality of what nicknames of your partner actually mean. Maybe potentially. I don't know. Cuz I'd be guilty. I'd be guilty cuz I've done it.

14:17If it is true, I'd be guilty. And even though I'm not able to actually put like proof that I know myself enough to be like, okay, for me at least for my objective reality, it's proof enough to know that you don't have to be a scumbag to do this You don't have to be some piece of to do this. And who are you to believe, right? Maybe I'm a piece of All right, maybe. That's what's so sad. Like, we have to keep our guards up now. We have to make sure that we have our radar polished, ready to see all of the that people like to throw at us. But again, for my objective reality, I can at least use the fact that I have done I've used the whole nickname thing. And again, I'm not talking about the common ones.

15:17I'm talking about when you give somebody a nickname, a pet name. Shut. It's proof to me at least. So, it isn't one of those again, black and white. This is the reality. Anybody that does this, you are a hidden psychopath or some like that. At least I hope not. Maybe it is like some Dr. Jack on the side and I don't even know. I'm going to snap any minute. Um, control. Is it a control thing? When I say weird pet names, nicknames, I think I want to use pet names in this instance because hopefully it gives you that same cringe feeling that it gives me.

16:17You gave your partner a pet name. My pet. You feel that Come on, man. Gross. gross, man. Because it's even weird when you know like when have you ever met somebody that has a pet and then they gave him like a human name. Bob or some I don't know. Bob is I guess that's kind of like a weird human name. So that's a bad objective or a bad uh example. Let me think of one. Peter. Peter. Could you imagine a dog or a cat named Peter? An iguana comes up and it's like, "Oh, hey, that's Hannah. Hannah." You know what I mean? Dog name Peter. You mean Rex Spot?

17:13I don't know. Like, our dog's name is Rocco. If I met a human named Rocco, I'd be like, "What the Rocco?" And honestly, if your name is Rocco, please put it down in the comments that my name is Roco and you can go yourself because it's nice to meet you, man. That's that's that's what's up. Rocco. But a dog name. Cool. Pet name. Baby isn't enough. Babe, your ex called you baby. That called you babe. I ain't that Right. Is that what it is? And this feels weird. I'm not trying to call myself out cuz again I'm guilty of this.

18:13I've done it multiple times. That's what made me think about this And then this is like overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. Is it? Is it? And now it's like I have all these different frames of reference like damn little sister. She's she's she's a grown ass woman now. Got to see her grow the up. I remember doing her hair before school and to help out my pops. Remember being like she couldn't even do her own hair. My ass over here trying to do plats and My daughter feel like she was just born. She is 5 years old now. She f to go to kindergarten. About to go to school out in the world. I have to think that that that might be what plays a part.

19:16Does it matter why I think about these things? I guess not. I guess not. But I do I do think it plays a factor. I think it is a good thing. Maybe it's cuz I'm a Libra. Just got to always balance out. See see what it is. Well, maybe it's this. Maybe it's that. But I'm starting to think that when you give somebody a unique nickname, there is some sort of creepy cringe underlying control thing. I don't know. Maybe it's ego. Maybe it is control. Maybe it could be a combination of a whole bunch of different things. Like most things is probably on a spectrum. It's never just black and white. Which is why honestly sometimes things are just hard to define.

20:12And things are hard to explain completely cuz you can see it in different ways. Everybody has their own perception. I remember the first time that I can remember doing this actually cuz maybe it went back further. Memories are tricky. The first time I can remember doing this was when I was in high school. It's like my first serious girlfriend. And what does that mean in high school, right? But somebody that that I took pretty seriously at the time, you know, and then the the name itself doesn't matter actually. Um, but it was a play on their name, you know what I mean? It was nothing it was nothing weird. Uh because I do have some examples from shows that come to mind.

21:18Uh like Harley Quinn when her and Poison Ivy finally get together. Poison Ivy calls Harley Quinn peanut. Me and my girl was watching this. She was like, "Panut, Peanut, Peanut." Now, you know goddamn well, and I know it's just a show, but you know goddamn well the Joker or anybody else that was in Harley Quinn's life before Poison Ivy didn't call her no goddamn peanut. That's a cartoon though. It's a cartoon. Maybe it's not good enough. What about the White Lotus and not the newest season which is really good, but season one that uh that that rich dude that um ended up going there with his fiance or his new wife or whatever.

22:18He called her Bubba. He called her Bubba. Ba. I've definitely called my dog that before and not even like as his name. Hey, come on, Boba. Let's go out. You know what I mean? Like a quick little I think I've even done it to my son like, "Hey, Bob." Like, I don't know. It's probably like Bob more. I don't know. Just kind of just be throwing noises out there sometimes. But it's always been a thing. Like I wouldn't, you know, my mom has a a female dog. I never call her Bubba. She's baby. I don't know. Come on, baby. Let's go outside. It's these little things. You don't even like think about the terms or phrases that you use when it comes to even like different genders. So for me, maybe, you know what I'm saying?

23:14Maybe this is like like come on EXO, you are not very progressive right now. It's not very liberal thinking of you. Not very inclusive, You don't know. Maybe she identifies as Bubba. That's how she identifies. So, he calls up that But let's be real, nobody in that girl's life, and I know again this is the show, ever called her bubble before him. I would bet money on that. I bet my left ball on on that Like what? Bubba? Ain't no way I'm going to be a girl calling her Bubba. Married to a woman. Calling her Bubba. That's your wife, sir. Not Bubba. Bubba is a old uncle that you have that's just passing out at Thanksgiving. What the Bubba?

24:13It's weird. It's weird. Those come to mind because those are actually weird nicknames. So what if it's like you use some weird like peanut or Bubba or something where it's like, you know, nobody else has used that That's very unique. That's yours. This is our thing. You know, she just likes to call me peanut. He just likes to call me Bubba. That's just our thing. Nobody else can say they've shared this thing. Last calling you baby. I'm calling you Bubba. Bet he didn't call you that Weird, man. Is it just me? Is it just me? I don't know. Maybe I'm just reading too much into this, right?

25:08Maybe I am. But when I did it, when I was in high school with that that girl, it was like a play off of her name. And it was even like uh where like I switched like the letter at the end. So instead of uh you know what I mean? like instead of a uh a E, it was a instead of a I it was a A type And yeah, that's not weird. Like I'm not calling you peanut, but it's unique. And I know that I wasn't sitting here thinking like, how can I be creepy? I'mma give you a nickname that nobody else has given you.

26:09Not your people, not your friends, not your exes, nobody. So when you hear that, you're going to think of me. And I didn't even think about it that deep. Like I didn't I don't know. Was I? To be honest, I don't think I was even cognizant of the why behind the what I was doing. I just did it. And then the uh my lady that I'm with right now, I did it to her and it was another one of those where I did a play off of her name. She wasn't It's not Peanut, you know? Her middle name is Eve.

27:07So I was like, there you go. I said something like her first name was too long because of the amount of times I would say it. I remember saying this something like this. Said her first name was too long and then her middle name was Eve, but then that's like one syllable. It's like I don't know. just felt odd saying a one syllable name. So then I said it like Eevee. Said, "I'm gonna just call you Eevee." I don't know exactly how it came across. You know what I'm saying? Like I I literally I can't remember the first time I said it to her. I just remember that was a basic summary of the the why with her. Um, and yeah, again, I wasn't I wasn't thinking of it in any deeper way than that.

28:11I don't think that's like I honestly it wasn't until I would say it's probably about two years ago now that I started thinking about that I don't even know what made me just like think about it like, "Oh, holy Maybe it was two years ago after the Bubba thing with White Lotus. I think I just had a rev of about Wow. Wow, man. Congrats to me. Like round of a applause. Hand hands hands together, man. Goddamn. Wow. Light bulb moment, man. Yeah, that had to be what it was. I don't know. Whatever acorn fell on my head that made me finally be like, "Wait a minute.

29:08It's kind of weird." And I I brought it up to my lady and I I told her basically the gist of like, "Isn't that kind of weird? It's kind of like controlling. Like, you know what I mean? Like, this is my name that I'm giving to you." Like I don't even remember exactly how I explained it to her in its like raw form cuz it was like shortly after I thought about it. Like the next day I brought it up to her. She's like, "Think about it." Like, you know what I mean? I wouldn't even I didn't even call you your name. It was like what after a couple months of us uh being together or talking together? I don't even think we were together. No, just like just knowing each other. After a couple months, everybody calls you your first name. That's too many syllables. I said, "What's your middle name?" Oh, he's getting to know me. Oh, Eve, that's your middle name. Oh, that's it's too short. Oh, it's not good enough.

30:03Not only that's like I'm I'm taking your name saying, "What's one of your other ones?" Okay, switch that out. That's what I'm going to call you. How do you say it? Not anymore. EV like the Pokemon. What' you think? I just took your name, switched it with your middle one, added an extra syllable to it. So, not only did I give you a name that was unique only to me and you, like this is only an us thing. I know for a fact nobody else has ever called her that. before me. So, there's that, but then there's like this underlying thing where it's like in a way two times it's kind of like a you to your name and which is like, okay, I didn't name myself.

31:03It's a you to my mom and my dad. All right. Either way, it's kind of like it's a weird thing to kind of do. And maybe I'm just overthinking it. Maybe it's like, "Nigga, shut up. He was just he was just young and in love. Shut up. And while I will grant you that I didn't have any sort of like nefarious agenda behind it, you can't help but question yourself sometimes. Hopefully you do. Hopefully you get the opportunity to question yourself. I don't know. It's like what you have isn't good enough. How you the the how you like think about your name is like your identity. Like who are you? Oh, who what's your name? Who are you?

32:00This is the same thing. If somebody the first time someone comes up and they're like, "Oh, who are you?" "Oh, um" and you say your name. It's like, you know, you're kind of I kind of just took that identity, so to speak, and just said, "No, it's it doesn't matter." Again, not to tie it back to slavery. Sorry. So dark. My bad. history. But they did the same thing. What name? You feel me? Like that's that's a whole whole thing with roots. Like a famous ass scene in Roots. Like the was not saying like my name is Ka Kente, man. Like you ain't I'm not changing it.

32:55What you mean? What's my name? That's who I am. So it's the same again. I get it. That's really extreme, man. How are you going to compare these two things? Like it's not even the same I get it. Yes, I get it. But it is at the same time. It's just a lesser version of it in a way, right? You got to question yourself cuz then the second name you g Okay, that that doesn't work. Sorry. The second name you gave me, what's your middle name? One syllable. That doesn't work either. I'm going to change it a little bit. You know what I mean? It's kind of like how Christopher Columbus came over here and started calling all the Native Americans Indians.

33:52And to this day, people call them Indians. I Okay. Like, I guess you get say whatever, right? just gonna go up to a whole bunch of people in New York and be like, "You guys are all Turkish. I don't care. I think this is Turkey. You're in New York." Nope. I think this is Turkey. These are the Turkish. You know what I'm saying? It's kind of It's really weird. again. How creepy can it be if you don't have that? It's all about intention, right? Kind of. Kind of. I mean, you can accidentally run somebody over with your car and kill them. And it's not like, oh, my intention.

34:48It's like, you're going to jail. You're going to jail. It's vehicular manslaughter and you're going to jail. I don't care about your intentions, sir. I don't care if you haven't been drinking a night completely sober. It's not even what it is. What? Nope. I don't care. Accidents do matter. Intention. It's cute. That's nice to know. Okay. But these are still the facts of, you know, reality. This is still what happened. But when I brought it up to my girl, she uh she was like, "What? I don't think that at all." She like, "I I I like it.

35:43I like that you call me that." She Okay. And we have like a whole bunch of inside jokes that have happened from shows or just life in general. Like, you know, on some couple Oh, so cute. Yeah, it is. God damn it. So, we have inside jokes. That's not what I'm talking about. It's like I don't know. Maybe it isn't that deep, but something tells me there's like some something deeper in there. And I say control, but what if it's like an ego thing or not even ego? Actually, it's more of an insecurity thing. So insecure. Was I? And am I since you know what I mean? Like this has happened fairly recent. Am I just insecure? And this is how I project it and all of the cringe ways that I've always avoided.

36:45Would never want to would never want to act like this or do this to my girl. That would be controlling. That would be gross, man. anything where it's like if that was my sister or my daughter dating somebody that did those same actions objectively, what would you tell them? Would you be like, "Bitch, run. That nigga's weird." Because the thing that's scary about controlling people is usually when you are dealing with like domestic violence for example there's usually like a controlling aspect behind there you know and I get it there's a mile between bro you gave her a nickname and actually assaulting your partner.

37:43You know what I mean? Obviously there's a mile between that but to say that that might be controlling just the nickname on its own little controlling if we say that and then we also look at uh statist obviously I don't have numbers to pull out like from my calculations from all of the studies that we've done I don't know but I'm saying you know what I'm talking about and yes it's in shows and movies but like you even get little glimpses of it when when you're like see a couple in public sometimes. Sometimes it's like there's a there's some there's control behind it. You know what I mean? Like there's like usually a little veil, but behind there is like control. And it might be something small like grabbing their arm. And let's be real, it usually is the men controlling the women. But actually, that's only I think when it's physical because saying that there's a mile between giving your partner a nickname and actually abusing them.

38:50Okay, that's physical abuse. That's not the only type of domestic violence. And it's one of those, okay, what did I say earlier? It's words, you know what I mean? But damn, it's more than just words sometimes when it's your partner and A lot of people, most people honestly, I've probably learned the hard way that the people closest to you end up getting the most ammunition to hurt you. You know, Judas didn't betray Jesus as being some random stranger. They were friends. And I don't know the exact story. Um, like all the details. So maybe I should have used that as an example.

39:46Um, but you know what I'm saying? They they rock with each other. He with he's one of his disciples or some I don't know. But it's it's pretty common knowledge that that was a betrayal. That's what a betrayal is. you know, if it's from anything from a stranger, whether that is physical violence or some sort of like, I don't know, hate speech or emotional abuse, whatever the you want to use to describe it from a stranger. That's just kind of like what it what it is. Like, oh, like that's like that was an assault. It's not the domestic part is really uh I guess the part that you should pay more attention to. And the reason why it is kind of scarier, you know, if somebody just gets assaulted randomly in the street, they usually have no problem saying, "Yeah, this came out of nowhere, took my wallet, you know, beat me down with a I don't know, crowbar or some I don't know."

40:57You know what I'm saying? you give you a little description of the person and you would probably cooperate in all ways, but you have so many people in uh domestic abuse situation where they they wouldn't say They would just keep their mouth closed. And then again, I know I referred to a lot of TVs and shows, but that's it's just like music. It's art period. like it's it's the human experience and us dictating it in different ways on different through different mediums. And one of my favorite is definitely shows and movies. It's it's sad to watch. It is. It's sad to watch. Um, and I I get it's like acting or whatever, but that's that's the real that does happen.

41:56And then when you hear about obviously I'm not some fly on the wall that gets to do it in people's real situations. Honestly, isn't one of those things that you should just be chewing on popcorn watching for your entertainment anyways. It's just the fact that knowing that real like that is out there. If it was a stranger that attacked you, you would give a description, no problem. But when it's your spouse, so many people are put in the position where they wouldn't say anything. I tripped. I fell. It was just an accident. I don't know what happened. What, you know, making all these excuses. That's the domestic part on it. Domestic. Domesticate pet names. Come on, man. I don't know, man. It's just It's weird.

42:53It's weird. People aren't property. It's like my girl said that I was tripping when I told her. Said she liked it. And though I love her dearly, just kind of being devil's advocate. just kind of if I were to mention something in that moment, no shade, anytime like an example for Mother's Day at her job, she got like a flower apparently for Mother's Day.

43:50No. Who Who's giving you flowers? where'd you get this flower from type of Where I saw it like the next day and she found that like amusing like oh getting getting jealous and a lot of people are like yeah so that's normal. I know I know I know that's normal. That's typically not I never respond like that. So maybe I shouldn't say typically for all men cuz it's not like I speak on behalf of all men of course but I I think and correct me if I'm wrong isn't that's more like a female thing right cuz I've never responded like that. In fact, it's just like what then be questioning my loyalty and like what you talking about? And not even obviously like it's not 0 to 100.

44:47You know what I'm saying? It's one of those what? Yeah, it's this. What you talking about? So, it's not necessarily a negative response, but just kind of like the you talking about? I'm like, yes, it's this. Like, it'll roll your eyes. But for her it was more like no it's this you know oh getting a little jealous. She even said something like oh getting a little jealous you know. Oh shut up. You feel me? I was like oh how does this relate? My point of saying that is just because my girl said that's not weird. Like I like that. Yeah. But you also like when I show I don't know is that jealousy whatever that is cuz honestly those are the things that you know I said mother's day that's mother's day of this year and so this is not like one of those oh like I've I've grown past this this is recent but I'll think about about those like what made you say that it's one of those other things like where you don't you don't necessarily question what you're

46:07Doing while you're doing it. It's not until later. And I'm trying to get better at that. I'm trying to like just kind of think of what you say before you say it. Well, think of what you do before you do it, you know? So, I'm trying to get better at thinking through like that. But it's hard when it is in the moment. Like, I don't know. I just I saw a flower. It wasn't even the same day. It's not like I'm sitting here, you know what I'm saying? Like the like Nancy Drew or some Scooby-Doo trying to bust down some like figure some out. No, I just happened to saw it. I know what our house looks like and it's like Where'd you get this flower from? Mother, who gave you a flower? Oh, they gave them out to everybody. Oh, okay. But for me, I think back on those and it's like what made you say that? like am I are you being insecure? Are like no I mean trust her whatever happens happens.

47:08I've always been like that type of belief like even if I was feeling insecure it's like it takes a lot for me to want to openly be like oh what's this? But is that just like your shadow self just peeking through? Like deep down you are still insecure. deep down you're just thinking like everything could crumble at any moment and it's not in one of those like oh my god what's going to happen it's kind of just like hey bro when the world ends you got to you know what I'm saying that can happen not to equate again an ending of a relationship at all with the ending of a world but you know what I mean it's the same it's the same kind of con concept uh what do they say doomsday preppers It's not even so much of a prep cuz the preppers they for doomsday preppers they they got the bunker they got the all the I don't know beans and what doesn't spoil Twinkies I don't know whatever that they stock up on you feel me those are the doomsday preppers but what about the people that's like hey nuclear bomb could go off at any moment

48:29And all of this could mean nothing at all just because some people got upset. I'm just saying just know it could happen. So if you see something in the sky that kind of looks like, hey, what what's that? I'm just asking. I'm just asking. Just asking. Is it that right? You know what I'm saying? It's like things like that. It is kind of weird. It is kind of like nobody else can give you a flower. So it's like what what if somebody was shooting their shot? She got a flower from somebody shooting her shot. Damn, Are you okay?

49:29But I'm That's me. I'm I'm weird. I think it's And this is another example of this where I like I voice this out and my lady would be like, "What?" You wouldn't. Let me give some context. in a show or a movie. I hate this When it'll be something that's happening where like a a girl is getting some sort of attention from from a and then her sees and he just sees that and he like cuts in or some like that. Like, oh, hey. Yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, it's cringy. And I cringe every single time I see some like that. She was like, what? just like I don't know. Let him shoot a shot. I'm not a knight.

50:27Goddamn. I ain't no knight sitting here trying to protect the honor. How dare you. It's just like, "Oh." And I could just tell. It would have been one of those things where it's like, "Oh, he's jealous." Cuz now that that proves my meaning to him. Like if he's jealous, that means he doesn't want somebody else to have me or entertain me. And have. See, now we're talking about these words again. Have very close to own. I don't know. Mine. You're mine. mine, my precious. I don't know, man. Again, maybe I'm just weird, but I could tell in that moment that was one of those things that like she she probably would have liked that. She would have been flattered by it. It's like cuz if you did that to me, I'd be like, "Bro, what the you tripping?"

51:30Ain't nobody got to be mean. I was going to politely, you know what I mean? Shoot her down or like be like like, you know what I mean? Walk away. You know, something where it's like I wasn't going to be no dick face to her like, you know what I mean? I don't got no ring on my finger. How is she supposed to know? It's how I would feel. And I I would be again pretty hypocritical. It was like, how is he supposed to know? And even if he did, honestly, let's be real, boyfriends and girlfriends don't really matter too much. So many people are just like, "Wow, you're better." And they go off and do do that. And they continuously look for something that's better. Continuously want to upgrade. And they they treat people like that. Okay. If that's supposed to happen again, I'm not I'm not getting a whole bunch of bunkers and getting ready.

52:29I'm not prepping for Doomsday like that. Sometimes you just got to live and if the nukes come, the nukes come. You hope they don't. Like, you know what I'm saying? Like, you hope everything goes normal. As long as everything's good, you hope it continues to be how it how it is, or at least, you know what I'm saying? But you can't you can't just stop that You can't be the knight. Why do you want to be the knight? Aren't you supposed to be the king or the queen? You feel me? So that is cringy to me. That is kind of controlling. Nobody can talk to you. Nobody can come and flirt with you. Honestly, bro, if somebody wants to flirt with my girl, I I would hope that she wouldn't. You know what I mean?

53:25Indulge and flirt back and like that. But damn, you feel me? Like, you could still take the compliment. Maybe that'll still help her have a better day. I don't know. Sometimes people get weird. You know what I mean? Sometimes it's like like you hear like the phrase, I still got it type of thing. It's like I don't know. I wouldn't want to keep her from that experience of knowing that she's still got it. You know what I mean? Like I don't want her to only get that sort of satisfaction or that sort of feeling from me. And that doesn't mean that and when you stop giving your partner that sort of attention like, "Oh, wow. You look good." You know what I mean? I mean genuine, not like, "Okay, let me check off all the different things."

54:23But like, you know what I'm saying? When I when the sun hits our eyes like like do this special little color thing, you know what I'm saying? These little things that you start to like, damn, you look good today. You feel me? You start you start having those. When you don't do that, that's when somebody else is going around. Oh, hey, here's my little like here's me shooting my shot. is me giving you my compliments or whatever. That's when it's like, damn, maybe that could be better. I want to feel like that more often. But then it's like, bro, you who you going to blame? Or girl, who you going to blame? You got to think about your home life, how you're treating them, how you're already doing And um yeah, I um I don't know.

55:20I think that will always be cringey to me because it's only gotten more so. It's it's I've always felt that way. I never wanted to be I never have been that the only time I've ever ever stepped to any about any female was back in high school. And it's because he came up and literally while they was in class came up behind her and like groped her man. Like that's I don't know. That's that's wild. Not only you going to feel her ass, you going to feel all the like that are weird, man. Confronted him, he started It doesn't matter. That's high school like that aren't the same as just a regular dude pushing up on a girl or a regular girl pushing up on a dude, whatever.

56:28You know, that's not the same. Even if you know that that person is with somebody else, you verbally shooting a shot, isn't it on them not to entertain it? I don't know. So yeah, I think I will continue to get more and more cuz then before it's like that would irritate me like it it would like deep down, you know what I mean? It's like you like it but you don't like it. Like thanks. Like I know my girl is fine, but god damn I don't want to deal with that. It's like one of those like where you do kind of feel threatened I guess in a way. It's like so I wouldn't like it. By no means am I sitting here saying like, "Huh?" But no matter how much I dislike the thought of that at the time, I disliked being the type of person that would come up and be like, "What?

57:27Huh? What you what's going on? Huh?" What's going to happen is going to happen at the end of the day. Too much selfrespect, too much pride, I guess. And that could be a bad thing at times. Got to find that balance, man. But yeah, I'm noticing now like it doesn't that doesn't bother me like that that doesn't the only thing that would bother me I guess at this point is like to find out like okay you're you're trying to entertain it back. So there's though that obviously is going to always bother me. But I don't care who you are. It's never going to be enough to be like, "Huh? What's What's going on? Huh?

58:27It's good." Just be straight up. Just be real about it. It's cool. Just be grown about it type Maybe it's to my own detriment. Maybe that's, you know, that is what's in the movies. you know, just go. Just let me go. And they walk away. And she's supposed to chase after her. Benny, you got to chase after her. Son, a love like that once in a lifetime. This ain't a lifetime movie. And I ain't I ain't going to sit here and chase you like that. But here's the deal. I don't want you to ever feel like you have to chase me. I'll never try to control you. Just don't ever try to control me.

59:30So, of course, it kind of to my much to my dismay as I started thinking about nicknames, pet names. man. Was I being controlling that whole time? Was I being insecure that whole time? Cuz that's all those are the things that make me cringe. That's all that is. Honestly, even taking it to the very very extreme where I don't know actually I was about to say where where there's like domestic violence like physical abuse that's probably like some somewhere deep down it's about insecurity and control. I don't know that that's probably varies case by case. some insecurity, but I think for that one it's mostly control.

1:00:29Control is h God so prevalent. Mine. You're mine. It's Valentine's Day. Be mine. I don't know. I just know that I'm definitely side eyeing myself on this one. But it's like the And you got to be you got to be weary. You got to think about who you want to be. Because in the example I had where there are things like me showing little traits of jealousy or questioning like you know where is that who gave you that rose a red rose thinking my is a it's a red rose it's like all like very quick not like oh you're going down some rabbit hole but real quick it's a red rose it's kind of like romantic ain't it?

1:01:37Who who gave you this rose? Where did this come from? You got to think about who you want to be because those are the type of things where it's like ah you kind of slip, man. You're you're constantly you should be chiseling at yourself. I feel like constantly trying to improve, constantly trying to be a better version of yourself. I I believe I be I became happier once I realized that that's life's true meaning. Like what you're supposed to do, like what is your purpose? You can go in so many different directions as far as like what your passions are, what you decide to do as a career, what you decide to do as far as your social or romantic life. You know, do you get married? Do you have kids? Do you decide to be uh somebody that doesn't tie themselves down and they travel with friends or you know what I mean? Do you meet friends in a whole bunch of different countries and even though you have it's more like acquaintances but you're you go vast not necessarily deep or do you stay rooted into in the city that you grew up in and you have deep friendships that every single I don't know year you go on vacation together.

1:02:53What what type of person do you want to be? If you aren't careful, instances like me questioning the the rose where it's like, ah, you slipped a little. I don't like that characteristic. I don't care how it makes you feel. I don't care if you find that appealing. I don't want to be that way because I don't like it. You might end up falling into a pattern, a state of being or doing things in a certain way to appease the people around you like your partner, like your friends, like your family, like whoever. And then instead of asking yourself, what do I want to be like in this moment?

1:03:51What do I want to do in this moment? You just say, "Okay, are you cool with it?" Like, that was my first instinct after I thought about the whole nickname thing. My first instinct was, "Wow, per perfect. Can't I can't, you know what I mean? I don't talk to the girl from high school or whatever." You know what I mean? But I'm with somebody that I actually gave a nickname that wasn't their name and was unique to only us. And the exact thing I'm thinking about, I happen to still be with that person. Bingo. I get to go ask if I use that as my compass. She's like, "What? I don't think that's weird." Okay, that's cool. That's cool. That's something that's like dually noted. But if you don't question what you want, what you like, the line that you draw on the sand, that just ends up being what you go with.

1:04:56Oh, well then I guess this is fine. I'll just keep doing it. And then what if it gets worse where it's like, okay, well now I'm going to show more jealous tendencies. It's like, who you who you texting? Who you talking to? You've been gone pretty late. You somebody. you around on me, harlot? What if it escalates? And even if it doesn't, even if you just sprinkle it in cuz you know they like it, now you're just being some performative version of yourself that's not real. It's not genuine. And I think it's I think it's cool, cute, or whatever when you got a couple that's like, "Oh, this is our song." Like, and then that ends up being like your wedding song or some like that or we have an inside joke with like this is our show or we have an inside joke with this movie.

1:05:52So, it's kind of like our thing. Like that's that's cool because it's it's something that you could say we have chosen. like it is it's not even like a choice really especially like with the inside joke it just kind of happens but it's a collective thing it's something where it's a joint thing and I don't know I guess then you can argue it's just like okay what if what if uh your partner was just like well I want you to call me call me something else something that nobody else you know they they insist upon this and you guys just come up kind of like it's like a baby name or some Now you're just sitting here questioning, "Oh, what should what should I call you? What should be my name? My pet name?" Your pet. Isn't it different then?

1:06:47Isn't it different? Come on, EXO. I ain't do this by myself, bro. She was asking for it. Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be? And it's like what I say is it's really hindsight is always 2020. It's really easy to look back and be like, ah, that wasn't really authentic to what I would like to do. I just kind of like, okay, yeah, let's do it. I hope you think of something. What about this? Oh, it works. Cool. And you just go along with it for them because you like them, especially when it's new. That's what I said in the infatuation stage when it's like the new love. This will be forever, forever, forever. Never breaking up. Never that stage.

1:07:44It's like, okay, yeah, what you want to be called? Then later it's like, oh, why why are you calling me by my regular name? Is something wrong? No. What is it? I was I was just calling you by your name. Okay. I just don't know why you doing that all of a sudden, but All right. And that was the thing. Some people want to be controlled. And I'm not here to judge whether that's good or bad. What do you want to be? And I feel like there are times where everybody it's like a there's nuance to it, you know, spectrum sometimes. Yeah. It's nice to be controlled a little bit to an extent on both sides. It's kind of like uh but it's like to an extent, right?

1:08:43It's like in sex, you know, she wants to bring out the handcuffs, get locked down to the back. Yeah, of course. got a little you let you let the other person have a little bit of control, but it's still one of those handcuffs that you could just kind of slip out of. You know what I'm saying? To an extent. It's for the moment. Like I love I love when my lady would call me out on my I encourage that I don't. It's just something about it where it's like where it's true where you go to say something. It's like you're right. Like I I I feel like that's probably low-key one of the best parts about being in a relationship. And not to the point it's like a balance to it where you don't want to you don't want to have somebody that's nagging you telling you what you should you know what you should do, what you should be like and you know try to change you.

1:09:50That's all gh. But somebody to remind you, to ground you. I don't know. There's something about that that is special. So, I'm not saying all control is bad cuz that's a little bit of But is that control? I don't know. You gave somebody the control to see certain parts of you to the point where they're able to call out when you're not acting like yourself. So, you're kind of giving away that control in a sense. I don't know, man. I just think I think there's something there is something dark there.

1:10:46There is something crazy there. And honestly, just like talking about like going this long like after my girl said, "No, what are you talking about?" Like it's completely like I actually like it. Like that's kind of where the conversation ended. So, like just saying like just thinking through this I'm still convinced that there's something dark there. And it's not necessarily like again like you have people that are intentionally trying to be malicious and here's this. But it's it's one of those Yeah. I wasn't being malicious, you know? Or let's say the thing I said was super cringey. Like when somebody's like, oh, like you have a girl, you guys go out, she's out, she goes out on the dance floor while you're getting drinks and you see some guy comes up and she's he's trying to dance with her. So you get jealous and you come up and you're like, "Hey man, I don't know. That's one of those things where it's like as cringey as I think that is, there are probably people out there admittedly that they're not doing it from a malicious place.

1:11:55Like I control you. You are mine. It's like probably like fear insecurity. Like hey man, like you know what I'm saying? Like think about animals out there doing mating calls. Like my mating call sounds better. She's going to me tonight. Look at me puffing out my feathers and Like animals do these. Like who are we to think that we're above that Of course we do that So I know there's probably going to be so many people that's like, "Yeah, I mean I've done that several times." So it's not my favorite thing to do. It's not like I'm always like, "Hey, bro, nobody talk to her. Hey, you better not dress like that. you look like a or some like like there's obviously levels of cringe that we've seen depicted in movies and shows or even seen in real life where it's just like god damn that's a controlling piece of You got to get out of that. But there's these little things where it's like uh Adam is so cute how he came up.

1:12:54He didn't like that that guy was trying to dance with me. I know I picked the right one. You have a winner Susan. I wish my guy cared. He said, "Do me." It doesn't have to have some sort of malicious intention. Again, what's intention? It can still be weird. It can still be kind of creepy, you know? Let me let me give you this name that you've never ever had given told to you before. Ever. This is our thing. And if somebody else calls you that, you better correct them. Hey, don't call me that. That's what so and so calls me.

1:13:50What you think this is? This is our thing. It's our thing. It's a little creepy, man. I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I'm just like overthinking this Maybe maybe I could be more controlling. Maybe. Maybe it's like this is just men getting weak, right? It's like Is it? You know what I'm saying? It's not like some Yeah, girl power you. No. No. This isn't rise of the incelss and cucks. I say I guess it's more cucks than incelss. It's like, no, it's not the rise of that. That's not what I'm saying. But damn, you got to have enough self-esteem to be like, bro, that happens. The cookie going to crumble. I ain't going to sit here and try to hold all the pieces together. Just going to enjoy the dessert while I got it. That metaphor got a little weird. I don't know.